"The Other Self": Absolute Love August

We all have those days where self doubt crawls in and our worries take over our personality. For that day, week or even longer we become someone we are truly not. We become our “other self.”

The “other self” I refer to is the part of you that tells you “no”, “you aren’t good enough for that”, “what will others think?” , “that’s a bit silly!” and so on. From time to time this other self comes out to play more often than not.

The other self will make you miss out on fun things with friends, or will hold you back from job opportunities, or even having lasting healthy relationships. It can make you feel jealousy and resentment – all these things that we don’t really have time for.

What should we do about this other self?

I accept my other self, but I do not allow her to make the decisions in my life.

I know that she is there and she will continue to tell me such things and that’s OK, because I truly accept who I am – though I won’t give her the power to control anymore. When I fail – as I have many times before – she loves it! I have failed more times than I have not and each time I did, she would grow stronger. So… how did I make her stop?

I refocused my energy.

I got up one morning and said to myself “If I keep on believing that my failures are truths, I will never live the life I really want”. I’ve always had goals but no direction and that was just down to her, “the other self.”

I decided not to give her my time. But rather than blocking her out completely, I just accepted her. She is what she is and she will always be there but she won’t BE me.

…and with that new state of mind I grew. As I grew, she stepped back, and she stepped further and further into the shadows – always to be there but never to be in the light again.

I don’t hate her. In fact, I thank her. She made me into who I am. All these life lessons driven by her only make me more grateful today.

What you focus on, you become. Make sure you find ways to focus on your true self, because the “other self” will be there waiting for you to give her your energy. Be careful not to hate that part of you because it is part of you, it does make up the whole and real you and all you can do is accept and love, and the more you love yourself, the less powerful “the other” becomes.

How do I love my true self?

It all takes time, but like anything it’s being consistent with what you choose to do. Here are some ways to start. Of course what works for one may not be for others, but these are some good practices that we all can do everyday.

  • Dream: Sit in a quiet space just by yourself, turn off your phone, close your eyes and dream of what you would love your life to look like. How does it feel? Who is in it? What do you love so much about it? It really can be anything at all. At the end of the day, your dream can become your life – it’s all up to you.
  • Show gratitude: If you want happiness, help someone else. Your small efforts can make a huge difference to someone less fortunate.
  • Make time: Putting aside time for yourself does not make you selfish, it will make you a better person. Make the time for things that you enjoy and for the people you love. Time doesn’t cost a thing.
  • Talk: Would you ever tell your best friend, mum or sister that they are not good enough? Talk to yourself like you would to them. Each morning say one thing that you love about yourself. It doesn’t have to be physical!
  • Laugh: See the funny side of things, don’t always take things so seriously, learn to laugh at yourself. 

Of course, some will find it harder because of other factors. But these are great tips for you, no matter where you are in your journey. It will take time and it might feel strange! But doing these things everyday may help your true self come into the light!

 

About the Author: Hayley Weston

Hayley is an entrepreneur, photographer, motivational speaker, writer, and food lover – but most of all an optimist, and a teacher of self-love and worth.

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